Published Jun 23, 2007, 9:06pm
I live in Florida, so shoot me. Although it was probably inevitable, the circumstances of my coming here from Denver - where I was pretty happy - in 1995 are still cloudy at best, even to myself.
Having left The Empire State in 1983 at age 21, I was still naive enough to believe that "immigrants" were people who came here from exotic lands, hoping against all odds to be Americans and , to at least some extent, assimilate.
Like I say, that was a long time ago.
Immigration into the United States these days is a joke, pure and simple. We have no idea who is in this country today. None whatsoever. The plan seems to be "Let the Mexicans in and pay the Cubans to come". I just found out only today that when a lucky Cuban fugitive gets his piggies planted in the wet sand of Sanibel Island, or some other lucky spot, not only are they welcomed (to the chagrin of the fourteen still on their boat in three feet of water under Coast Guard detention) but they'll be handed a check for $10,000 US, each, to start their lives in our fair Democracy. Or to pay the smugglers; whichever.
Whoever thought that one up should be trotted out and shot on pay-per-view in an attempt to recover some of the costs associated with this brilliant plan.
Mexicans, on the other hand, don't get the thrilling high-speed cigarette boat ride, or the novelty of an old yellow taxi-turned-barge to whisk them through our borders to awaiting cash gifts. Many are smuggled in by professional scumbags under conditions that we wouldn't subject our produce to. How many? No one knows, but I think the practice is something on which everyone can agree is .... mmmmm, bad.
Happily, I believe that most undocumented Mexicans just sort of wander in and stay. With an in-place network of their fellow countrymen entrenched into the landscape which is unrivaled in number, all that's left is to show up for work the next morning at "The Circle," or whatever they call it in your locale, and start sending that untaxed cash home. If Jose is fortunate and falls in love, producing an heir, we've all got ourselves one more American Citizen - with Mom and Dad's paperwork in the pipeline.
Sweet.
I'm beginning to think that giving them ten grand is the better deal. Since they're here, in force, with another couple million showing up annually, why not just get 'em on the census, on the tax rolls, and let these people begin paying into the Social Security fund for our soon-to-be top heavy age demographic. Cubans, by and large, once they arrive in Florida (pretty much exclusively), are usually gainfully employed in a matter of minutes since most are armed with a decent education and some english. Oh, yeah, and ten grand.
I don't pretend to have an answer for the problem; there are no real palatable solutions on how to deal with people who are already here. My real gripe is that we don't have any say in what type of individuals are getting in. And while it is not my intention to slander all undocumented immigrants as one thing or another, I'm sure we're getting more than our fair share of criminals - of which we already have enough of our own in case you haven't noticed.
Maybe seafaring Floridians will take to the Straits of Florida en masse as their countrymen in the southwestern states have done, protecting the borders - or in this case our waters - where the state and federal governments have forfeited that responsibility. Maybe they will, maybe they won't.
Or we could just round them all up and ........ well, let's wait on that one and run it past the guy who thought up the "Wet foot, dry foot" gem.
I just hate it.
